Beginnings

 Why do people become toxic?  I have wondered for many years how my toxic sibling (TS) lost any sense of empathy with others.  TS does not have a single heathy relationship.  Looking at some of the research on toxic behaviors, there is one theme that resonates greatly.  Children who are never checked or punished for their behavior can become toxic.  This resonates with me because my TS was allowed to abuse me from literally the moment they saw me.  Here are some examples:

• When I came home from the hospital at birth TS walked up and punched me in the face.  My mother often tells that story.  Obviously, I do not remember it.  
• When I was about 4ish (TS is two years older) I was  running around screaming and arching my back.  My mother discovered that my entire back was covered with huge bite marks, some bleeding.  There was no punishment for TS doing this to me.
• At the age of 12 my parents went to a function one evening.  TS wanted me to do something (I honestly do not recall what) and when I refused, they pushed me through a glass door.  I still bear the scars.  I was at the hospital being stitched up when our parents came home and TS lied about what happened.  Said I was clumsy and fell.  My mom knew this was not true.  She let it slide.  There was never any punishment.
• In my high school years I was chubby.  TS was thin.  They would make fun of me about being "fat" in front of anyone and everyone.  I was constantly humiliated.  Mom did nothing.

The stories go on and on.  

As much as my mother is a sweet and wonderful person, she never protected me from TS.  Never.  My dad was military and often gone, but he did protect me when he was home.  His intervening caused problems with my mother who saw it as being mean to TS.  If she would have stepped up. perhaps TS could lead a happy life with healthy relationships.  I feel bad to sound like it is my mother's fault.  She did play a role.

Sadly, to this day my mother makes excuses for the toxic behavior.  TS is a bully to everyone, including my mom.  It is sad when you think about it.  A mother should protect all her children.  Unfortunately, my mother will continue making excuses.  She says things like "You stay upset but TS blows up and does mean things and is nice after that for a while."  Huh?  That is ok?  Blowing up in an instant without provocation is not good.  It is not healthy.  TS gets the rush of hurting someone and is pacified for a short time.  That is all.  It is constant and unending.  But apparently, I am the bad person to my mom for getting upset.